This Week in Weird News:
Ever Had Sex With An Alien?
By Kevin Christian L. Santos
Sometimes we just wish we can just leave this planet and travel to a magical place where we can just grow moustaches and ride unicorns and nothing ever hurt. But again, we live in the real world and nothing is fair and we can’t have nice things.
But what we can do instead is take our mind off pressing matters and expand our consciousness by taking a look at the weird conjurings happening this week. Starting with…
Millennials are risking death by eating Tide Pods because they’re fucking stupid
Now there’s a new challenge on the interwebz, and it’s deadly. But seriously, who the fuck comes up with this shit? Were they dropped on the head as an infant?
The “Tide Pod Challenge” is basically asking people to put the said laundry detergent in their mouth and bite it, and invite others to do the same for the lols and likes. A video from IG user @5thyear generated more than 600,000 views.
Dr. Alfred Aleguas Jr. of the Florida Poison Information Center said ingesting the pods may lead to vomiting and diarrhea, and more severe cases may be life-threatening.
It’s 2018 and we actually have to tell people to stop eating detergent. Words fail us. Take it away, Robert Frank.
Here’s a photo from the year 6000 from an alleged time traveller
ApexTV, describing themselves as “one of the biggest voices of paranormal on YouTube,” recently posted a video of a time traveler claiming to be from the year 6000. To prove it, he even showed a photo he took from the said year.
The man claims that cancer has been cured in the future and that we’re ruled by artificial intelligence. He doesn’t lack in self-awareness and says, of course, we’re not gonna believe him. To support his claim, he showed the photo from the future. A very, very blurry photo at that.
To explain the distortion, the unnamed man says “In the time travel process pictures tend to get distorted, as well as many other things.”
That said, don’t do drugs and stay in school. And don’t eat detergent.
This man hasn’t jerked off in more than 400 days, might be a wizard
Fapping has its benefits. It can boost your mood and prevent cancer among others. Though some morally-upright groups condemn your so-called me-time, there are now some groups promoting the benefits of not masturbating at all. And they’re not connected to any religious group either.
Luke Eilers is a member of one such group, holding off from masturbating for more than 400 days and counting. He joined the “No Fap Movement” after he realized he was addicted to porn, and would immediately feel shame after climaxing. Don’t we all, though? He also said he suffered from a lack of motivation and focus due to his addiction.
Speaking to YouTuber Andrew Hailes, Luke said “The way I would describe it is I kind of just feel like 10 percent better in loads of areas like motivation, confidence, energy, mental clarity. Lots of people talk about superpowers and it completely changes their life; every once in a while, I would get spurts of that.”
No news yet if he’s used his mind’s untapped areas and has telekinetic powers.
Here’s the worst possible way to die
Senior scientist at San Francisco’s Exploratorium museum Paul Doherty and writer Cody Cassidy took two years to compile a list of the worst ways to die. They shared their findings in a Reddit AMA. One of the worst ways to die was drowning in the Mariana Trench.
The duo said, “So, if you sank to the bottom of the Mariana trench you would drown before you reached a crushing depth. If you’re interested in a more interesting demise, you should swim out of James Cameron’s submersible at the bottom. Fortunately, you’re mostly water, and water is incompressible. So you would retain your basic human shape. The air pockets inside you, namely in your nasal cavity, throat, and chest, would be a problem. Those would collapse inward, which would fatal.
Because you wouldn’t have any air, you wouldn’t float to the surface and you would likely stay at the bottom to be consumed by the Bone-eating snot flower, which usually eats whale bones but would probably make an exception in this case.”
This is a Bone-eating snot flower:
There’s more cool stuff in the AMA, such as what will happen if you die in a falling elevator, jumping through a hole in the earth and more. Check it out!