ROTC. What an important part of our lives way back in college. We look back at every knuckle pushup, every act of hazing, and every unnecessary death, and realize how great it would be for these young whippersnappers to go through everything we did, because why should we be the only ones to suffer?
Here are some of the amazing things you can expect with ROTC coming back, and this time, for high school kids!
Instill a sense of fear
Even the nicest student who suddenly becomes an ROTC officer somehow magically turns into a power-tripping freak. Let’s give our kids a taste of just how much power corrupts. A sense of discipline in kids? Ha! Try “fear,” because that works better.
An extra day of baon
ROTC usually happens on the weekends, a day typically bereft of baon. With the exhausting stuff you’d be doing during ROTC training, you can now justify an extra day for your allowance. Awesome!
An influx of bribery
Did you know that a lot of people who didn’t want to do ROTC paid their way out of it? Isn’t that great? Let the people who can afford it get away with preferential treatment, just like with everything else going on right now. Perfect!
More complaints than anyone knows what to do with
The new mandatory ROTC bill has had the foresight to establish a grievance committee to address allegations of hazing, abuse, corruption, and so forth. We’ve been calling millennials and Gen-Z’ers “oversensitive” and “whiners.” Imagine how much “whining” they’ll be doing when people go back to their old ways in ROTC and abuse the shit out of everybody. Not to mention Twitter and Facebook.
More useless skills
Did you know that the writer of this 8List is an Air Force reserve? That’s amazing, because with about thousands on the reserve list for the Air Force, it’s a shocker that we have EIGHTEEN active military aircraft in the entire country. EIGHTEEN. For THOUSANDS of reserves. Whoop whoop!
We discover medical conditions we never knew we had
Did you know that being flat-footed gets you light duty instead of regular ROTC? How about asthma? Oh. You don’t know if you have either condition? Don’t worry, a week or two in ROTC, and you’re going to want to find out if you do. It’s almost magical how that happens.
We still won’t be any more disciplined than we used to be
If your parents didn’t instill discipline in you, there’s a very low chance ROTC ever will. How about we accept that discipline from without doesn’t compare to discipline from within and work our way from there?
We still won’t be winning any wars
Let’s face it. China’s got this.
*The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the original author. These views and opinions do not necessarily represent those of the 8List.ph.
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