5. Poetic License to Kill

Similar to number #4, post appropriate poems/poetic responses, from Shakespearean insults like “Thou art like a toad; ugly and venomous!” to Marianne Moore’s poem “To Be Liked By You Would Be a Calamity.” Remember, words are weapons and you can excise troll stupidity with surgeon scalpel-like precision.

6. Classic Rickrolling

Keep a Rick Astley YouTube link of “Never Going to Give You Up” in a TinyUrl format handy and when you comment, tell the argumentative troll this link will answer all their points in one blow. Unfortunately, this works only once.

7. Steal This Pic!

If you catch a bastos troll messing on your wall, try to get their profile pic and Photoshop it with their misogynist comment. Use that to reply to the troll with the link to pertinent cyber/sexual harassment laws.

8. The Fallacy Referee

If you’re being bothered by a troll who thinks he or she can argue, keep a list of logical fallacies handy and start shooting each argument down. Don’t explain or elaborate, just cite the logical fallacies they’re using in every comment. For added bonus, give penalties.

Whether these trolls bothering you are doing it for pay or for kicks, these people don’t care if you’re answering logically with corresponding source links. Likewise, you can’t always come up with sharp, smart burn responses at a drop of the hat.

For once, blow them out of the (online) waters and watch them delete their comments in retreat.

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