The 8 Biggest Patola Kings and Queens
of Philippine Showbiz (On Social Media)
By Tim Henares
In this age of social media, fans and celebrities have more of a direct line to each other than ever before, but that also means people who don’t like certain celebrities can simply hide behind a computer screen and say hideous stuff they would never, ever say to these celebrities in person.
Celebrities, shocking as this might seem, are human, too. So there will indeed be times where they decide that no, discretion is not the better part of valor, and respond to these people online, in memorable fashion. We even compiled a list of moments like these before. And for defending themselves, we call them “Patola,” because “patol ng patol,” and it is not necessarily a bad thing.
In doing this list, we’re not out here to call out these celebrities for speaking their mind and defending themselves. We’re here to warn you that you don’t want to cross these 8 people, because they can and will put you in your place, if you step out of line.
Jason Paul Laxamana doesn’t like movie critics
Laxamana is the director of the film 100 Tula Para Kay Stella, and in the interest of balancing between male and female entries, is the only non-actor or actress on this list. Still, he fits the bill here because Mr. Laxamana practically responded to every single tweet that had something to say about his 2017 movie, whether it be positive or negative. The replies to positive tweets were a given: a retweet and a thanks seemed perfectly normal. The replies to negative tweets, on the other hand…
Let’s just say that even without considering his politics for a minute, Mr. Laxamana thinks any attempt to critique his film is a “campaign” against it, as opposed to, say, just a case of people not liking the film?
Solenn Heussaff won’t be slut-shamed
Solenn isn’t a fan of slut-shamers. But first, here’s context:
Not everyone appreciated this photo of Ms. Heussaff, even going as far as to say:
Which rightfully warranted this reply:
Richard Gomez will kick your ass
Richard Gomez defends the honor of his wife the way a bull defends a china shop: wildly, ineffectively, and causes more harm than good. Unlike most other Patola Kings and Queens, Richard Gomez has neither the moral high ground nor any semblance of a good comeback.
It’s one thing to get mad at people bashing you or your wife. It’s another thing to threaten them with bodily harm. It’s not even remotely witty.
Judy Ann Santos will shut you down
While Judy Ann Santos may not top any Sexiest Women List, why would anyone demand her to even be a part of one? While posting a photo of her salad lunch, a basher who clearly never even looked at the picture had this to say:
Judy Ann Santos may have played “Mara” on television, but she ended up showing off shades of “Clara” in her very sassy reply:
Maybe try not to body shame a person while she’s frigging eating a salad for lunch, okay? It brings out the worst in us.
Cy Seguerra is the man who will fight for your honor
Aiza Seguerra is generally a pretty chill dude, but when you go after his wife, boy, are you in for a world of hurt:
And that’s just as well. You might disagree with Aiza or his wife, Liza Dino on a lot of things. But that is never an excuse to use obscenities against them, especially when unlike most other people, they know how to agree to disagree.
Sunshine Dizon wants you to say it to her face
Sunshine Dizon will not hesitate to get into a lengthy debate with a basher. There. We said it.
And it just keeps on going on. Who knew that the lead star of Ika-6 Na Utos knew how to fight and to keep fighting?!?
Jim Paredes isn’t very zen when it comes to his politics – or his daughter
We’re not 100% sure on this, but we have this sneaking hunch that Jim Paredes really doesn’t like the current administration.
LOOK: Duterte met Macau gambling execs before Boracay casino got OK:https://t.co/goqhoRUuyo via @ABSCBNNews
Caught lying again. Of course, this will be totally ignored by DDS and fake news. They would rather deny reality than accept a truth they can’t handle.
— Jim (@Jimparedes) April 11, 2018
But see, that’s not what makes Mr. Paredes a “Patola” king. It’s not even the part where he berated a bunch of youths during the EDSA celebration last year, where he was labeled as “arrogant and rude,” which suddenly became an issue for the people he was berating.
It would have to be when he pulls a stunt like this:
Or if you can remember it, he went on a tirade on his daughter’s blog after it went viral nine years ago thanks to Brian Gorell. He used a bunch of words that would have made Teddy Boy Locsin blush, all in defense of Ala Paredes.
While we generally think of APO Hiking Society as a bunch of harmless, old, fuddy-duddies, we need to remember that not only is their band name a cruel joke at the expense of Apolinario Mabini (who can’t walk), but Mr. Paredes has always been historically an activist, and his political alliances have never been a secret all these decades. Unfortunately, this means that he really, really only sees one side of the story at all times.
Kris Aquino will mess your shit up
Kris Aquino is such an undisputable Patola Queen that we can’t omit her from this list. Fact is, we probably wouldn’t have even considered doing this list if it weren’t for Kris Aquino.
The many times Kris has decided to respond to bashers are countless, but practically all of them are legendary. Here she is responding to someone who insinuated she wasn’t paying her kasambahays properly:
And of course, the creme de la creme, here’s how she responded to people calling her son gay:
HOY BIMBY IS SLAYING WITH ALL OUR HEARTS AND SOUL! YOU BETTER WATCH OUT! pic.twitter.com/4dxTMwVPOT
— ieca (@kengkengchekwa) December 24, 2017
Of course, Krissy recently went on a tirade on social media after what she calls ‘airing of dirty laundry’ in public. Everyone’s got their popcorns out, waiting to see what happens next.
Hopefully, minus the political colors.
Who are on your list? Share them with us below!