This Week in Weird News:
Is That Sperm in Your Teeth
or are They Just Really White?
By Kevin Christian L. Santos
Another Christmas is here, and another year of us slowly going into debt just to prove we love someone by showering them with gifts. Just kidding! It’s fun making someone’s day this season. Know what else is fun? Watching the best Christmas movie of all time DIE HARD on repeat.
But before we watch John McClane tear Hans Gruber and his crew of terrorists some new assholes, let’s take a look at some of the strange things happening this holiday season.
Take it away, Eminem!
Eminem opens Mom’s Spaghetti pop-up shop
— Marshall Mathers (@Eminem) December 14, 2017
There’s a bigger chance we remember the words “Mom’s Spaghetti” as a meme rather than the film 8 Mile. It’s even a restaurant in Detroit now. Well, a pop-up anyway.
Ventured down to @standrewshall The Shelter to vomit Eminem’s Moms Spaghetti Pop Up- a 3 day event to promote the release of his new CD “Revival “. Spaghetti was standard and I loved the meatballs. Also never had a s’ghetti sandwich before 🤣 wait time was only about an hour and the crowds and especially security and Spaghetti servers were all so friendly. Swipe to see a few pics and short vids. Good times. 🙌🏻. #eminempopup #eminem #eminemmomsspaghetti #vomitingmomsspaghetti #loseyourself #sghettisandwich #rapgod #theshelter #detroit #thebigd #spaghettidinner #momsspaghetti #lookslikeimeatingspaghettithisweek
Eminem even showed up and signed some autographs to promote his new album Revival. Fans also got a chance to listen to the new album and buy some merch.
No news yet if there was vomit on anyone’s sweater.
Japanese monkeys are engaging in “sexual interactions” with deer now and oh myyyyyy
In Japan, it’s been reported that adolescent macaque monkeys have been displaying sexual behavior with sika deer, NPR reports.
The “sexual interaction” in question shows female monkeys climbing on the deer’s’ backs and thrusting and grinding their genitals. There’s even video because OF COURSE THERE IS.
Japanese macaques have been known to ride deer on occasion. They use the deer for fun and transport. The deer tolerate their behaviour in exchange for discarded food and grooming. But these monkeys were…kinky.
Scientists have a number of theories why it’s been happening. First, it might be a way for non-mature monkeys to practice for sex in the future. Another is that it’s a less dangerous way for female macaques to engage in sexual relations. Females are smaller than males and scientists call this the “safe sex hypothesis.” Third, it might be an option for monkeys with no sexual partners in their own species.
Remember we mentioned that macaques would ride deer for fun? Another theory is that while the monkeys were riding them, they discover it being a source of genital stimulation.
Even monkeys are getting some and we can’t even get a text back. SMH.
Why do human feet keep washing up in the Pacific Northwest?
Another foot has been found in on the shores of British Columbia recently. This makes it the 13th foot within the last decade.
Feet washing up on shores in the Pacific Northwest is a strange phenomenon among Americans and Canadians. Heck, it even has its own Wikipedia page. Sleuths speculate that some sinister force is behind the severed feet being found. Scientists and health officials however, beg to disagree.
For one, suicides and drownings are normal occurrences surrounding bodies of water. Speaking to Vox, oceanography professor at the University of Washington Parker MacCready says “Things that float at the ocean surface move with the currents, but also are pushed a bit by the wind, and this can be significant in getting them to shore.”
But why feet though? Human bodies naturally come apart in the joints when in water. In this case, feet often disconnect when submerged in water for a while. In addition, the feet come apart much easier when it’s wearing a flotation device such as a running shoe.
So that’s that then, mystery solved.
Man takes shit-ton of molly, gets stranded in fountain
Buzzfeed News reports that a man had to be rescued after “taking a large quantity of molly,” stealing a swan boat, and getting stranded on a fountain.
According to a police report, 36-year old Keith Thurston of Orlando told officers he “wanted to go be with the swans because they don’t judge him.”
Can’t blame him. After a whirlwind of a year, we all deserve some non-judgemental swans.
Man with second world’s longest penis accuses world’s longest with cheating
Jonah Falcon, the man with the second world’s longest penis at 13.5 inches, is accusing current world’s longest Robert Cabrera of cheating. He claims Esquivel has been using weights to stretch his penis to 19 inches.
Speaking to The Sun, Jonah had this to say:
“His penis isn’t 19inches.
“Doctors have acknowledged this and said he could have a normal sex life if he is essentially circumcised.
“It (Roberto’s story) has been going around for the past two-and-a-half years.
“The man stretched his foreskin constantly, from what I understand, but it’s normal underneath.
“I think it’s ridiculous and he seems kind of desperate. No matter how big he is, it’s not going to change the fact that I’m 13.5inches.”
Apparently competitive comparing of penises is a thing now?
Baby conceived in 1992 was born 24 years on
Tina and Benjamin Gibson aren’t able to have biological children of their own. They chose to have a “snowbaby” instead, a baby born from an embryo stored in liquid nitrogen.
Though babies born from frozen embryos aren’t new, one being born from a 24-year old embryo is. It’s now currently the oldest frozen embryo birth.
Speaking to CNN, Tina said, “Do you realize I’m only 25? This embryo and I could have been best friends.”
“I just wanted a baby. I don’t care if it’s a world record or not,” she added.
Former Pentagon UFO official: “we may not be alone”
A former US Pentagon official who led a program on UFO research says there is evidence that there’s life outside of our planet.
Speaking to CNN, Luis Elizondo said “”My personal belief is that there is very compelling evidence that we may not be alone.”
“These aircraft — we’ll call them aircraft — are displaying characteristics that are not currently within the US inventory nor in any foreign inventory that we are aware of.”
“We found a lot,” he added.
It’s also interesting to note that Elizondo told The New York Times that he resigned from the Department of Defense due to excessive secrecy in the program.
Dentist who injected semen into patients’ mouths tried to reopen his clinic
Hate going to the dentist? Well you have a good reason to.
Dr. John Hall of North Carolina was jailed in 2005 for injecting sperm into his patients’ mouths. He would tell patients that he would inject a fluid that would stop the bleeding, and said fluid turned out to be semen, VICE reports.
His employees have also grown suspicious, collecting syringes after they heard a female patient object to the injection since the fluid “smelled like sperm.”
Once Hall was brought to court, six former patients narrated how he would inject semen, with one patient even saying that Hall once gyrated on her lower body in a sexual manner. Police also confiscated syringes from his clinic that contained, you guessed it, his man juice. He plead guilty in 2005, and was sentenced to four months in jail and had his license revoked.
However, Hall was incredibly close to opening a clinic in Belize until police swooped in and uncovered his moist and sticky life of crime. A journalist was able to uncover news articles and received emails from concerned citizens and forwarded them to police.
Hall is currently awaiting trial.
So, do you really need to have that wisdom tooth removed?
What’s your Christmas going to be like? Tell us about it!