This Week in Weird News:

There’s a Dragon Ball Z Porn Parody

Because Screw Your Childhood

By Kevin Christian L. Santos

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Hey gang! We’re gearing up for another batch of those annoying as hell “It’s gonna be May” memes and even more hot weather. 40 degrees? Seriously? That’s HOT. That’s enough to make your singit sweat buckets.

Speaking of hot, here’s the hottest news coming out of the wacky world of weird-dom. Take it away, weird-legged dude!

Via Giphy

1. Doctor performs brain surgery on wrong patient, gets suspended because OBVIOUSLY

Via Giphy

In you-only-had-one-job news, a neurosurgeon from Kenya’s largest hospital was suspended after performing brain surgery on the WRONG patient.

Kenya’s Daily Nation newspaper found out that two men were taken into the hospital on that fateful day. One had to get surgery to remove a blood clot from his brain, while the other just needed medication for a swollen head. Guess which guy had a terrible time at the hospital.

The Kenyatta National Hospital has suspended the neurosurgeon, along with two nurses and an anesthetist. Kenya’s health minister also suspended the hospital’s CEO.

In more crazy hospital news…

 

2. Man has foot amputated after bus crash, doctors use said foot as a pillow

Via Unilad

In India, a 25-year old man who was the victim of a bus crash had his foot amputated. The problem? Doctors used the man’s leg to prop him up as a pillow.

One of the man’s relatives expressed his concern on the man’s half-leg/half-pillow hybrid, but doctors ignored him. It was only two hours after the fact that the relative was able to buy a pillow from a market nearby was the leg removed.

The country’s Medical Education Minister, Ashutosh Tandon, has ordered for the suspension of Jhansi Medical College’s emergency medical officer, two nurses, and a senior resident.

It’s also unclear if the man knew his foot was used as his pillow. If it was, then that’s how unbothered I want to be in 2018.

 

3. Pope pays tribute to saint who wrestled with the devil

Via Giphy

In Italy, Pope Francis recently prayed and paid tribute to saint Padre Pio, a monk known for wrestling with the Devil.

Padre Pio’s biographers said that the monk regularly tussled with Lucifer himself in a small monastery. His last battle was in 1964, where monks saw him on the floor with his head split open. Padre Pio said that the Devil tried to claw out his eyes.

No news yet if Padre Pio and the devil ever settled their score inside a steel cage. Or if he gave the devil an RKO outta nowhere. Or a Stonecold Stunner. Because that son of a bitch deserves it.

 

4. Screw your childhood, the Dragon Ball porn parody is here

We’ve had Strokémon, the Pokemon porn parody. There was Whorrey Potter and the Sorcerer’s Balls. Heck, there’s even SpongeKnob SquareNuts. Now, the latest porn parody is guaranteed to be over 9,000.

Say hello and/or cry over Dragon Boob Z, where pornstars get kamehameha’d in their no-no parts in this Dragon Ball Z parody. Here, we see “Gokooze” put an ad on Craigslist: Looking for “Hot Anime Girl Looking For Aliens to Come Fuck My Planet Into Oblivion.” Hilarity then ensues, as we see Ball-ma and Vagin Buu enter the movie. Not making any of this up.

5. Foreskin restoration is an actual thing

Via Giphy

Summer time means tuli time in the Philippines. It’s as if the blisteringly hot weather is the perfect time for young men to undergo this ritual to manhood of having their foreskin chopped off. Heck there’s even libreng tuli programs everywhere. If a guy chooses not to undergo this rite of passage, he runs the risk of being called supot by his peers.

However, Rappler reports that there are a certain number of people who actually wanted their foreskin to be restored. Philippine urologist Ulysses Quanico said that some of his patients opted to undergo this procedure due to “uncomfortable erection.” And no, that doesn’t include getting a boner at your family gathering.

 

6. University installs “cry closets” for students having a hard time

Via Mirror

In the US, the University of Utah installed “cry closets” for students who just need to calm down and a good power cry.

The idea of the crying space came from student and artist Nemo Miller, who said the life of a student can be a bit too much at times. The closet is described as safe space for stressed out students. Rules state that only one student is allowed at a time, and can stay a maximum of 10 minutes. Also, NO SEX IN THE CRY CLOSET.

That said, we need one of these in every office. And in every street corner since the country’s politics is making us very, very sad.

 

7. Man claims medicine turned him gay

Via Giphy

In the UK, a man claims that a painkiller has turned him gay. Wait what?

Scott Purdy started taking Pregabalin after he broke his foot in a go-karting accident. The medicine’s side effects include mood swings and loss of libido. Nowhere does it state that it will make you attracted to the same sex or make you want to suck dick.

He says, “I noticed my libido for women had gone and I was wanting male attention.

“I was with a girlfriend I had been with for around six months. I had never been interested in men. When I was younger I was a little bit curious but…

“A couple of weeks after I started taking it I turned around and said I didn’t find her physically attractive any more. She knew I was taking Pregabalin.

“I said to her, ‘I don’t really know what’s happening to me and I told her I like men and I just can’t be with you.’

“She was relatively understanding, as understanding as you could possibly be.”

Scott is now living his life as a happy gay man.

Be careful about marijuana though.

Still think weed is safe? The guy was probably smoking a penis though.

 

8. Plumber called to deal with “poo volcano”, has worst day ever

Via Giphy

Are you having a terrible day at work? Trust us, someone’s having a waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay harder time than you. Think about it. Someone, somewhere had to assemble a dildo with a straight face for work. Some have even shittier times, like this plumber in the UK.

49 year old plumber Steven Wolf received a call from a woman in tears, pleading with him to fix what happened to her flat. Steven thought it would just be another job. He didn’t expect a “volcano of poo.”

The woman’s bathroom was covered in poop.

Steven said, “I was a cleaner 30 years ago, so the smell doesn’t faze me, but when I got home my wife wasn’t happy. It smelt so awful she made me sit naked in the porch, she wouldn’t let me in the house.” He also said that one of his peers was retching at the crappy sight.

The shit volcano was caused by other flats’ drainage bypassing a blockage and forcing itself out of the poor woman’s toilet.

Ever the professional, Steven was able to finish the job. “It was three hours of rubber gloves and hard work. The poo was under the carpet and absolutely everywhere. It was the worst job I’ve ever had, but I was very satisfied at the state I left the flat in.”

And you thought you had a shitty job.

 

So how was your week? Tell us below!

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