If you missed them during your jeepney rides, well, they’re back! Ex Battalion, the group that has the deepest, most philosophical lyrics this side of Bob Dylan, is doing an online concert this December.

Called “Evoluxion,” which sounds suspiciously like “e-buloksion,” this concert promises to entertain the fans of this rap supergroup with their classics and some of their new material, for as low as ₱300. And if you’re an absolute stan, for the measly price tag of P₱35,000, you could… wait what?

Not even BTS charges prices like that for their most expensive tickets (try ₱3,160 for their VIP tickets), so what exactly is Ex-Battalion even offering that would make P35K worth it? Well, we have a few ideas, because their promise of “dinner with the group, swag, and unreleased songs” seems far from worth their asking price. Thankfully, they did offer an Ex-Battalion mask among the aforementioned swag, because I’d wear a mask, too if I got caught paying ₱35K for one of these tickets.

8. A Spa Getaway

Some people might be less classy than us over here at the 8List and suggest that Ex-Battalion should offer unmentionable favors for such an exorbitant amount. We disagree, because no way are we paying ₱35K for anything of that sort from Ex-Battalion. We’re fine.

On the other hand, a spa getaway that just helps us relax from all the stress accumulated from 2020 and 2021 would just about hit the spot, and we’d rather go with that.

7. A Collector’s Edition iPod

A… what? Yes, an iPod! That bygone relic that people thought was the pinnacle of technology — in 2001. This is already us being extremely charitable with Ex-B. Surely they can come up with a limited-edition iPod for our troubles that’s worthy of carrying their band’s name on it? Is that too much to ask?

6. Multiple One-Year Streaming Subscriptions

How much does it cost to subscribe to Spotify Premium, YouTube Premium, Netflix, HBO Go, and Viva Plus for an entire year? Even with Netflix at its most expensive (₱549 a month), would you believe, less than ₱13,700?

5. A Senate Probe

Surely, some shenanigans are going on here if these guys think they can get away with charging ₱35,000 for a concert that you can’t even physically attend. We’ll pony up the money — if they’re willing to subject themselves to a senate investigation afterwards. May as well, right?

4. A Special Screening of Spider-Man: No Way Home

Spider-Man: No Way Home is coming out on January 8 in Philippine Cinemas, much later than everybody else in the world, because of the MMFF. Surely, after putting us through 3 hours of agony watching Ex-Battalion in “action,” they could reward us with this because we ponied up that ridiculous amount they’re asking for?

3. A Playstation 5

At ₱35,000, they could still land a few PS5’s from DataBlitz by following our fool-proof guide to pre-ordering one, and still have around ₱7,500 in profit left over. ₱7,500 for an online concert? Seems more than fair.

2. World Peace

Is world peace too much to ask? Well, so is 35K for an Ex-Battalion concert, so that evens out.

Make it happen, Ex-B! That’s our hard-earned money in your hands, and we believe you can do it!

1. Disbanding

If you told me that all I had to do to never ever hear from Ex-Battalion again is to pay ₱35K, and it’s a stonecold guarantee they’d disband for good, then let’s go! What a beautiful sales pitch!

Are you watching Ex-Battalion’s online concert? Tell us how much you shelled out in the comments!

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect the views of 8List.ph.